writing

Person standing on wooden pier overlooking ocean at sunset

Finding Balance in Midlife: A Personal Journey

Lifestyle

I am now 47 years old. Do not get me wrong, I am seriously blessed in life. Outside of lacking a white picket fence, I have the stereotypical American dream life—consisting of homeownership, 2.5 kids (if you count Cosmo, our dog), and some financial stability. I do get a little superstitious with saying such things aloud, but I don’t know how else to give credence to the life I’ve been given and/or built for myself. Although, my chronological age already has me past the halfway mark of an average male life expectancy in the U.S., which is (as of this post) seventy-six and a half years old.

The older I become, the more I find myself panicking about my fleeting years of life. It’s unsettling. Deep down, I don’t think any of us know why we were put here in the first place. I envy people who have the assuredness that spirituality and religion offer them. I envy people with a sense of purpose, goals, and dreams they have yet to aspire to. I envy people who can appreciate the moment, block out noise, and can be present in the here and now.

The last several months of unemployment have been rather peculiar. It’s a rare, transitory period I think a lot of people wish they were given. I had ample time to read, play with our dog, exercise, and best of all—enjoy time with my family. I dropped my kids off AND picked them up from school, without the hurriedness of having to rush to work right before or after. It was quite pleasant, but I was plagued with a weird feeling of guilt that I was not productive, and that I should be striving to do more with my time.

“We are all floating in a tremendous river and the river carries you along. Some of the people in the river are swimming against the current, but they are still being carried along. Others have learned that the art of the thing is to swim with it. You have to flow with the river. There is no other way.” ~ Alan Watts

It is crazy to me that we live in a country and a culture where we are wired and programmed to think this way. For two months, I went stir crazy. Don’t get me wrong, so much of that free time was enjoyable, cathartic, and special for all the reasons I listed above. But while my kids were at school and my wife was at work—and there are only so many times I can play fetch with Cosmo—what then? I had a brief glimpse of what retirement might feel like, and I kind of lost my sense of self. I don’t feel like I am ‘only’ a pediatric dentist, but I certainly feel like it helps me 1) interact with others and 2) deliver a service that contributes to the community.

It is a weird ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ kind of conundrum. When we work, we typically look forward to the time off, be it the weekend, a vacation, retirement, etc. While there are very many stressful things about my job, I genuinely like the profession I practice. Now that I’m working part-time, I feel some contentment toward having some semblance of productivity in my day and some well-deserved off-days I ‘treat’ myself to. My income is far less than I used to make, but I feel like I’m in the sweet spot of work-life balance.

Inevitably, my kids will leave for college and/or go off and start lives of their own. Inevitably, my body will be too fatigued to comfortably practice pediatric dentistry any longer. Cosmo may even tire of playing fetch with his owner. I think it will behoove me to start doing some soul-searching now to find out what other activities, hobbies, volunteering and charitable efforts, and pastimes I can partake in. Regardless, I think I need to spend some time learning to relax and unwind, and feel like it is okay to not have something to do.

Funny enough, and as a slightly related side story here: in my newfound free time these past couple of months, I started playing pickleball regularly. I’d attend some open play sessions in the mornings; it helped scratch the ‘socializing’ itch for the day, got some good cardio in, and filled the time rather nicely. Well, about three weeks ago, I tore my calf muscle playing. I was in such excruciating pain and basically had to be on crutches for my first few days back to work—just my luck. I am finally nearing a point, after weeks of anti-inflammatories, braces, and limping everywhere, that I can walk normally again. Doctor’s orders, I still have to give it another three weeks of rehab before I try to play again, but I’ll likely have some PTSD if and when I step foot on the courts again!

Posts like this come off a little pompous and insensitive to me, so my apologies. Literally, people are starving, people work two and three jobs to make ends meet, and here I am whining about not being able to fully enjoy some downtime in between jobs. I listen to a lot of YouTube videos of the author I cited above, Alan Watts (although I’m sure many of them are AI-generated with his voice), which I find profound and insightful. If any of what I said resonates, it might be worth listening to some of his content as well. Thank you so much for reading this post, and Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!

Uncertainty and Unemployment

Dentistry, Lifestyle

My start to the new year came with an unexpected surprise – the dental office I work at was to be permanently closed come the end of January 2026. The very practice I have worked at for the past 10 years, that one! Apparently the company decided the cost of repairing some structural issues in the building, combined with an unaccommodating (borderline negligent) landlord, made it not worth renewing the lease on. The company’s director came down to the office on Monday, January 5th (our first day back after a brief holiday break) and informed us all that we would be closing our doors at the end of the month and being laid-off in the process. Me personally, I was shocked by the news. Some staff members later confessed they saw it coming months earlier – apparently, the company had my lead assistant doing inventory checks and some other suspicious activity that now makes a lot more sense in hindsight. Regardless, the past month has been filled with uncertainty to say the least.

The company was quick to notify families that another location they own was available to them for continued dental care and hastily tried to funnel them across town. Saying goodbye to the families I did see this past month was really hard. I have enjoyed their trust and loyalty to our office for over a decade – it’s actually quite surreal to think that much time has passed. Many families were kind enough to share their disbelief and dismay when they got the news – after all, I have literally seen their kids grow up. I reciprocated in saying how astonished and sad I was to leave that location and went on to thank them for entrusting me all these years.

I am sitting here trying to harness my emotions from that day when I first heard I’m being let go. I guess if I had to find one word to describe it, it would be ‘bitterness.’ I think when you are corporately owned, there is a detachment and an almost callous indifference to who gets impacted by decisions often made by people high-up and far removed from the operations on the ground. Most of the staff at this location became unemployed, lots of families that enjoyed our service need to find another dental provider; but none of the human element is factored into their decision-making process as we are just seen as insufficient numbers on a spreadsheet to these captains of industry.

This is the third job I’ve lost throughout my life. The first time, I was young (in my 20’s) – lived at home still, and the family support really made that layoff almost seem insignificant (if not welcomed). That was still while I was in my I.T. era, and the job I worked was from the hours of midnight to 8 am doing phone support, sooooo…good riddance? In 2015, I was working part-time at this current practice, when I lost my second job as a (pediatric) dentist with another group – which also helped lighten the burden of being fired. Maybe it is the 10-years of my life I spent here, but this most recent firing stings so much worse than any time before.

Thankfully I consider myself financially stable and responsible. With the help of my wife, we have lived below our means for some time – we’ve saved an adequate emergency fund, possess a diversified retirement portfolio, and suitably control our monthly expenses. Push come to shove, we will have to forfeit some tennis and piano lessons for our kids, eat out a little less, and skip that trip to Hawaii this year – but, thankfully a lot of the sacrificing we have done over the years affords us some peace of mind that we won’t starve or be homeless any time soon.

Another blessing in disguise as it turns out, has been keeping good relations within the community of dental professionals around me. After reaching out to share the news of our closure, to my surprise, so many offices welcomed a chance to meet and discuss employment opportunities or even a partnership collaboration. I was very touched. In some weird turn of events, it is looking like I may be even more busy now then when I worked my full-time job.

“When God closes a door, he opens a window” 

Nearly a month out now – the initial shock has settled and I am feeling quite optimistic about what the future holds. I remember speaking on previous posts about why I favor associateship – and while everyone’s experiences are different and it really is a case-by-case basis – at this point in my career I see more value in ownership, in equity, in doing something for yourself. I still have little to no faith in corporate loyalty towards its employees and I think most individuals are better off investing in themselves. That said, I am grateful that the associate position allowed me ample time to see my kids grow up and freedom from the stressors of running a business.

I am liking the prospects 2026 has in store. My New Year’s resolution is to not be in my head so much about undergoing change, but rather to embrace it and basically let the universe take the wheel. What are your thoughts? My apologies to anyone who reads my posts; it’s been an incredibly big gap – we got a dog – and there is a lot more I probably need to write about! Feel free to comment on your thoughts about change, and I’ll try and write again soon! Thanks for taking the time to read this one!